Lesson Of The Day: Monique Q Caradine's Black Woman’s Manifesto for 2012

Keeping It Real: Too many black women on TV appear to be making a concerted effort to hijack our image and set us back 850 years!

What the hell is going on? 

I’m talking about the reality show, so-called housewives of this, that and the other. Their frequent displays of violence and aggression, their obvious lack of self-esteem and their inability to show any semblance of adult-like behavior is downright embarrassing.

Yet, the criticisms of these displays, which should be coming from upstanding black women in our society, are either being ignored, are too rare or not being voiced loudly enough. Or, maybe these toxic displays have become accepted as the norm for black women. 

This is NOT okay! I say, enough is enough. It’s time to set a new standard for women everywhere. So I decided to draft the Black Woman’s Manifesto for 2012. It’s intended to be a working document with a few recommendations of how we as strong, proud, respectable, admirable, loving black women should conduct ourselves. Is this too much to ask?

1.) We will strive for better health—mentally, physically and spiritually. We will get therapy, coaching, training, counseling or whatever it takes so that the hurts of our past no longer hinder our future. We will work to achieve ultimate wholeness and healing in EVERY area of our lives so that our thoughts, words and actions become a true reflection of our GOD-like nature. We will elevate ourselves in an effort to command a new level of respect.

2.) As mothers, we will put the BEST interest of our children FIRST,especially as it relates to giving them the best education possible, spending quality time and creating a nurturing and affirming family environment. We will not leave them in situations where their safety and well-being might be jeopardized (i.e. with boyfriends or friends of friends or with crazy-ass relatives just because we can’t find a babysitter). We will see them as precious gifts, not burdens. We will lovingly prepare nutritious meals for them so that they will not rely on fast food. We will teach our girls to value themselves and raise our boys to be MEN. At our best, we will serve as the living example of the type of woman our sons would want to marry. Even when they become “difficult” or “defiant” we will protect our children at all costs and NEVER give up on them.

3.) We will absolutely NOT flirt with, lunch with, spend time with, share personal information with, engage in long conversation with or have sex with another woman’s husband, period! He is off limits no matter how smooth a talker he may be. We will show self-restraint and show respect for that wife and her marriage because we would want her to do the same for us. We will also stop holding every man accountable for the sins of our fathers who may have left us. It is not their fault that he may have been ill-equipped to prepare us for womanhood.

4.) We will raise our standards and level of expectation when it comes to relationships. We will only connect with men of high moral character. If he does not get along with his mother, we will either help him repair that relationship first or run in the opposite direction. We will STOP engaging in casual sex with multiple partners because that’s just nasty! Just because a man is “sexy” or has “swag” does not mean he deserves the very essence of who you are. Allow him to earn it. Challenge him to put a ring on it. Show him your value goes far beyond the bedroom. Your life depends on it and he will he be a better man if you do.

5.) We will vigorously protect our image in the media. When we see women on TV clowning and acting a damn fool, we will confront them, call them to the carpet and lovingly correct them. Nowadays, shaking our heads as we continue to watch the train wreck is not enough because these women are negatively influencing an entire generation.

6.) We will create a multiple-streams-of-income lifestyle. We will refuse to rely on one check from one job that is not guaranteed to be there for us tomorrow. We will establish businesses that give us the freedom to do what matters most and we will earn what we deserve. We will commit to tithing, saving, giving and systematically getting out of debt.

7.) We will ONLY speak words that give life. We will encourage, uplift, support, empower and inspire each other with our words. We will refuse to tear others down with rumors, gossip, lies, half-truths, violence, aggression, negativity or deceit. No longer will we say, “I’m broke, I’m not good enough, I’m too short, I’m too fat, I’m not pretty enough, I’m not smart enough…” We will recognize that our words have POWER and every word we speak is a seed being planted. We will NOT speak our current situation. Instead we will ONLY speak the reality that we deserve and desire thereby calling it into existence with our WORDS.

8.) We will lovingly forgive ourselves for bad decisions and stupid mistakes.The past is the past. We are still here. The lesson has been learned. It’s a new day. Move on and let your breakthrough overtake you!

9.) We will honor ourselves (and the God within us) everyday by acknowledging the authority that we have been given to change ANY situation. We will reclaim our role as cultural gatekeepers and we will be respected for our brilliance AND beauty on earth and in heaven. Ya Dig?...

Lesson Of The Day: For Colored Girls Only Movie...

When I first heard of the movie "For Colored Girls" I got so excited.. I had the idea of getting as many women together that I could think of to go see this movie. I had visions of group discussions and moments shared with one another that would lead to healing and growth, I guess I kind of imagined a Women's Empowerment Conference type of setting.

Well after I shared my idea with a few women, reality set in and I realized that so many of us wouldn't be willing to participate for various reasons: You don't like me, you don't care for somebody I might invite, you only hang out with certain people, you don't understand the big deal about Tyler Perry making yet another movie about black people and our issues for all the world to see, you don't like crowds, so-n-so is too ghetto, such and such is too uppity etc... It has ALWAYS amazed me that we as black women are each others biggest critics. We are the quickest to bring each other down, find each others faults and nit pick at a sister until she has nothing left, nothing left to give and then we step over her and call her worthless. We take the prettiest women and tear them down for thinking "they are cute" but turn around and dog the average sista because "she know she should take better care of herself than that - can't believe she got a man!" We call strong women female dogs and accuse weaker women of riding somebody else coat tails. We tell a big sista to put down her burger and turn around and criticize a skinny woman for not picking one up. We ride the loud mouth woman for "talking to darn much" and likewise torment the quiet woman for "Being too quiet and needing to take up for herself" Sad part is we don't discriminate, we talk about everybody!!!

I've watched women dog out everybody from Oprah for catering to white people and Halle Berry for not being able to keep a man to young Willow Smith for acting to darn grown in her recent video. All of these females are successful and there is something about each one of them to be proud of but a lot of us can't seem to see that. I have to wonder since we all share a common thread (whether we want to admit it or not) is there something about ourselves that we don't like, what has happened to us that we cannot seem to get along. Why is that we fight amongst ourselves, backstab & steal each others men (only to find out we should have left him where we found him). We cannot seem to be unified to support and stick up for one another. Everybody seems to be out for themselves while other groups unite against us but nobody else has to bring us down because we trample on the spirits of each other daily.

Even if you live in a mini mansion, drive a luxury car, have good credit, rich handsome husband etc, this does not mean that should look down your nose at the woman with 4 kids, no husband, living in income based housing struggling to keep her lights on. We ALWAYS think the grass is greener on the other side, I had a woman who's child father is MIA tell me that I should never complain because I receive a decent amount of child support and I laughed and let her know that I would gladly give every dime back if he would come relieve some of this overwhelming pressure of feeling inadequate as a parent. If I could get just one full night of sleep or not always be on the verge of losing my job because I'm the one that has to call off or leave work for one reason or another to accommodate my child - yeah he could DEFINITELY have his money if I could have some peace! Money alone doesn't make you happy (not true happiness), good credit doesn't keep you satisfied, beauty doesn't make you any less insecure, fame doesn't make you less vulnerable or cause you to be a good judge of character and being stuck up and mean doesn't keep you warm at night or prevent you from being lonely.

You don't know how the sista sitting right next to could have carefully put on her make up this morning to hide the beating from last night. The teacher you handed your child over to this morning could have sent her children off to school from a dark house with empty bellies. The teller you just got rude with at the bank could know that today is her last day on her job and have no idea how she is going to survive past next weekend. The sista at the office that appears so busy could be typing her goodbyes to all the people that she loves because she plans to blow her brains out tonight after she tucks her babies into bed. The woman you pass in the hallway could be on her way to have an abortion because she fears what others might think or how the woman that sent you this e-mail may drink an over abundance of alcohol every night to mask the nightmares of an abusive childhood.

Ladies we HAVE TO DO BETTER!!! I'm not suggesting that we all like each other and be phony, but I am asking that we all try to respect each other. You HAVE NO IDEA what the next woman is going through, you don't know what past or current hurt and pains have shaped her into who she is today. We spend so much time trying to be as strong and hard as we are expected to be that we end up cracking from the inside out piece by piece.. If we would spend 1/3 of the time we spend tearing each other down to build someone up, encourage someone, show someone some love, we could truly make a difference and save someone's life. PLEASE don't be the straw that breaks another woman's back. Believe me when I tell you that there is a woman out there that needs your smile, your hug, your support, your prayer.

I hope that you read this and get something out of it other than a laugh and that you pass this on to as many women as you can to let someone know that you believe they are somebody special and that if need be you are available to listen. Nothing bad is going to happen if you don't forward this note, but I'd like to think that something positive will happen if you choose to pass it along. May favor be extended to each and every one of your lives, keep your head up and know that someone somewhere cares!!! Ya Dig?...

Lesson Of The Day: "Some" Black Celebrity Men

Keeping It Real: Why do some Black celeb men associate Black women with stupid and dumb? Some famous Black celeb men are turning to our white counterparts when their pockets are fat and they have made a little status for themselves! Why is it, when their asses are in trouble and or they become BROKE, THENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN they want to run back over to the dark side?

For instance, Wesley Snipes who denounced Black women in one of our OWN magazines, then when his career took a DIVE, because we, the BLACK women quit going to see his movies,  here he comes back begging, never apologized for his words, BUT NOW he wants back in! This man literally said, he do not want an aggressive nappy head ass woman! WHAT??? I guess he forgot he had a Mother, Aunts, Grandmother, Girl cousins, possibly sisters & nieces who are Black! How are you going to bite the hand that FEEDS your dumb ass? We made you and we can damn sure leave your ass just where you are at! They can have you, we no longer will go see your movies, how about that for aggression?! Then we have OJ's dumb ass, what happened after we helped his ass, he ran back to the other side and look where he is at now, JAIL! What about Skip Masters?, was on The Tom Joyner Morning Show. He has a book out: "How I Broke My Addiction to White Women; An Ultimate Tribute to Black Women" *blank stare* Yeah, until Black women buy your book and fattening back up your pockets, then what? and the list goes on....


You want to date a non-Black woman?, I have no problem with that, but there's no need to disrespect us, because you have lost your way! Ya Dig?...